Its very normal as parents to be anxious once in awhile about the well being of your kid, especially when they are in that stage of their lives they can barely speak up or take care of themselves and at such rely on you for almost everything including safety. This level of dependence may breed fear and increased anxiety in some parents especially when it gets to a stage where their children needs to get introduced into the society such as begin school, dropped off at day-cares, colleges etc. This fear may be heightened from how safe they will be, to how they maybe bullied, to personal safety, etc. But, do we let fear govern our parenting and how we raise our kids? “Fear grows where it is nursed’.
Parents who allow fear of the unknown to influence and ultimately drive most of their decisions ought to check how this could affect their children and family at large.
Here is what happens to parents controlled by fear:
Fearful parenting directly translates to constant worry, and this type of living will rid you of many things, among others is your peace of mind-you will likely develop mental instability and loose trust that there is any good left in other people aside yourselves.
Fear could do many parents a lot of harm both psychologically, emotionally and medically. Your blood pressure may be on a rise, which is a very serious health risk that could amount to other complications and ultimately you cut you off the opportunity to be therefor your kids through thick and thin as you really should.
Robs you of the present
It hinders you from truly loving, trusting and according your child the respect and honor due them. Not only that, but fear-based parenting puts all your focus on what you don’t want, instead of what you do and by doing that it is more likely to happen.
Effects Of Fearful Parenting on your Child
Emotional and Psychological Imbalance
Fearful parenting always have negative impact on most kids, some often lose the capacity to differentiate between threat and safety, and most usually see threats in everyone and at such may build protective shield within before the harm happens. This impairs their ability to associate, or make friends with others, or even in their neighborhood.
This type of parenting prevents a child from being bold, within and outside the confines of his home or peers. They usually cower from crowds even when they might be the most talented and brightest in the room.
Low Self Esteem
Children who are brought up under the umbrella of fearful parenting usually lack self confidence, they do not believe they are capable of doing things on their own without parental supervision, they struggle with self-doubt and having a mind of their own.
Poor Values and Ethics
When parents bring up their kids in fear, they often do more of these with their energy instructing, hovering, cajoling and nagging instead of appreciating and understanding their children strength and weakness through having a connection. They get frantic about “little” that it blinds them from being calm, realistic and helpful.
Tips to quit Fearful Parenting
Focus on what you can control; As a parent, it is better to channel your energy into making the best out of what you have dominion over such as grooming, diet, rules, friends, school type, and habits. Is it possible to set rules, meal tables, instill ethics, etc? Yes, that is something you as a parent can do and be responsible for. How about this, can you make your child restrain from meeting people in life? That’s definitely a ‘No’, except they are placed under house arrest which is a trample on their child and human rights. Learn to teach them right, and trust them enough to make good decisions.
Stay in the Present
Do not create in-existent problems, you might begin to see problems in your child that barely exist but become exaggerated in your mind.
Know the Difference between Fear and Facts
The best way to know if you are parenting from fear is to ask yourself if there is any evidence of what you are so worried about. You might worry that your child is unhappy. Write down the evidence that backs this belief up.